Turn to Me
by vivaforever597
Summary: Asami traces the history of how, after Mako's infidelity, they came back together.


I blinked and wondered why I'd woken up in the middle of the night. It had been a pattern for me lately, and though it posed little danger to me, it was an annoyance. Instinctively, I reached out and clutched Mako's hand. He stirred but didn't awaken, which was good, I supposed. I didn't want to interrupt his sleep; I knew how badly he needed it. But I began to feel alone somehow. I remembered how alone I'd felt with him back when we were with Korra, preparing to fight Amon.

I shivered. It had been an awful time for me. I'd lost my father to his own hatred, and I'd felt I was losing Mako too, more slowly but just as surely. I squeezed his hand more tightly, trying to block out those thoughts, but even though his hand tightened around mine, the memories came into my mind. I gave in to them.

* * *

I was sitting on the ground, trying not to let my anger and hurt turn to sobs. He'd told me he cared for me. But if he did, how could he have kissed her? So he couldn't love me, I was sure. I'd been a fool to trust him. Just as I'd been a fool to think my father was an innocent man, or even a good one. It seemed that no one I knew was reliable, and that none of them loved me. Well, maybe Bo. He'd told me what Mako and Korra had tried to hide. But no, I'd had to ask him first. If he'd really cared about me, he would have told me to begin with. So no one loved me after all.

What if I would never be loved?

What if I was unlovable?

I began to cry freely. The person I most needed, the only one I could have trusted, was my mother, and she was gone. Hopelessly, irrevocably gone. I swore under my breath. I was surprised to hear the word escape my mouth, but it felt light, as if it had carried some of my hurt and dissolved it into the air. I expelled it from my mouth a few more times, softening its intensity with each repetition. It seemed to lose its meaning, but not its effectiveness. Not a bad exercise, I thought.

"Asami?" someone near me asked quietly. I looked up to see Korra hovering near me with a worried expression.

"I don't want to talk to you," I whispered, not caring for my rudeness. I buried my face back in my knees and waited for her to leave, but instead, I heard her clothes ruffle as she too crouched down. I considered getting up, but knowing Korra, she'd just follow me.

"I'm — I'm sorry, Asami," she began.

"I don't want to hear it!" I said viciously.

Korra took a step backwards but didn't leave. "Mako really does love you, you know," she said. "I'm his friend, but you're the one he loves."

I began to laugh bitterly before quieting myself. "That's what I thought too."

There was a short silence before she replied. "I'm sorry I hurt you, Asami. I want to be friends. I like you, and I thought you liked me. I hope you'll forgive me." She walked away, her footfalls making small echoes.

_I can forgive you_, I thought, _but not yet. And I won't forget, ever. How can I?_ I shuddered. So many things had happened to me that I'd never be able to forget. Memory was becoming a burden.

I sighed. Why had things happened this way? Only a few weeks ago, I had been so happy. I turned and looked over my shoulder at Mako, who was plotting with Korra and Bolin. "Please love me," I whispered, saying it for my own sake rather than his. "I don't know how not to love you."

Korra said he loved me. But what if she was mistaken — or worse, lying to protect my feelings. How could she think he loved me when he'd kissed _her_? So worse yet, was she lying in an attempt to try to cover up his feelings for her?

What if my love _and_ my friendships were ruined beyond repair?

* * *

Mako stirred again and turned to face me, his eyes only half open. "You okay?" he murmured, his voice still heavy with sleep.

I smiled. The caring in his voice was apparent. "Yeah, sweetie," I whispered. "I'm fine."

He muttered something like "That's good." before pushing his head further into his pillow. I smiled as I watched him fall back asleep — and I remembered when I hadn't been sure that I'd ever be this close to him.

* * *

"What is it you're planning to say to me?" I asked him, frustrated.

In the opposite side of the booth, he looked back at me with puppy eyes. "I'm truly sorry I kissed her, Asami," he said earnestly. "I know I shouldn't have."

My eyes glowed. "It's not just about the kiss!" I snapped. "It's about how you tried to cover it up. I only found out because I asked Bolin. _I had to ask your brother, Mako_. You wouldn't tell me yourself."

"And he ratted me out," Mako replied crossly.

"As he should have!" I spat. Mako looked properly ashamed. "I loved you, Mako. _I trusted you_. And then you betrayed me," I added quietly. There was a long pause while we looked down at our plates. "And yet I'm still in love with you," I whispered, more to myself than to him.

He looked back at me. "You are?" he asked. I couldn't discern his tone from the two words, so I decided to give him a truthful answer, but as simply as I could.

"Yes. I wish I weren't, but I can't seem to get over it," I said, somewhat bitterly.

He stared into my eyes, and even then, I knew him well enough to recognize his expression: he was trying to decide if I was being honest. His eyes narrowed, and he broke his gaze by looking back at the table. I thought he'd mistaken my words for lies, but then he spoke. "I guess I'm glad," he said slowly. "Not that I hurt you, but because... I love you too. Maybe I always did."

Now I studied _his_ face to determine if he was telling true. And he was. "You're still in love with me," I muttered with a chuckle. _Of course you are_, I thought. _Things need to be more complicated, after all_.

"Do you think we could try again?" he asked gently, almost bashfully.

I studied my hands so I wouldn't have to look at him. "I'm not sure," I said. "I'd like it, but I'm just not sure it'd be a good idea, since last time we did, you —" I broke off, not wanting to hurt him.

"I see," he said calmly, but I could hear disappointment in his voice.

"Mako —" I began.

"No," he interrupted, "I get it. I'll leave you alone." True to his word, he got up almost noiselessly and folded his napkin elegantly before laying it beside his plate. _His manners have improved_, I thought with a flicker of pride. "I know I hurt you, Asami, and I'm sorry. If you change your mind, will you let me know?" I nodded. "I'll see you later, then," he murmured.

"Bye," I said. I couldn't manage anything more complicated, I didn't think.

I watched him walk to the exit and had only one thought: _What am I going to do now?_ I could hardly ask my father for advice: I wasn't sure I could get into the prison to see him, but I was sure that even if I could, I didn't want to. I supposed I could ask Pema or Tenzin, but I had to admit to a certain grudge against Pema for the role she'd played, however small, leading up to Korra's kissing Mako, and for some reason, I just didn't feel comfortable going to Tenzin for help. He and I had never talked much, after all. Bolin? No, he wouldn't understand the complexity of how I was feeling; I knew that if Korra were to confess love for him, he'd take her without a second thought.

There was only one person I could talk to, I thought with a sigh. I'd go see her tomorrow.

* * *

Chief Bei Fong eyed me from behind her desk, her expression as cool as usual. "You're asking _me_ for help?" she said, almost smirking. "You must know I can hardly advise you well. You know what happened to the man I loved."

I nodded. "I don't know who else to go to," I admitted.

"Hm." She paused and rubbed her temples lightly. It was the first time I'd seen her make such an undeliberate movement. "You do love him?" she asked.

"Yes."

"And he says he loves you? Well, from my experience, men shouldn't be trusted when it comes to love. But what, Miss Sato, do you have to lose?"

I barely thought about it. "My heart," I replied, not realizing how much I must have sounded like Jinora.

The chief chuckled to herself as she leaned back in her chair. "No, Miss Sato. I think you've already lost that." She abruptly leaned forward again, her head almost halfway across her rather large desk. "Miss Sato — Asami — don't make my mistakes. Make your own. I dwelled too long on what I thought could have been. I wouldn't want to see you do the same." She paused, but before I could form a reply, she spoke again. "You said that things were complicated, but you want him, and he said he wants you. Even with your past in mind, even considering that men who say they're in love may not be honest, that doesn't sound complicated to me. To the contrary, it seems very simple."

"You think I should try again?" I asked, surprised by the seeming turnaround in her answer.

She nodded. "I do. But" — her expression softened a bit, and a twinkle of humor came into her eyes — "whether you want to take a middle-aged single woman's advice is up to you."

I considered it for a moment, then nodded thoughtfully. "I think ... I will."

* * *

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, then pressed my arm against Mako's side. It had taken so much to get here, but I was, I thought, genuinely happy. I was still upset, even after all this time, by my father's actions, but I had Mako. I had Korra and Bolin, and my other friends. A smile came onto my lips as I thought of what Lin would say about Mako and me. She had been right, in the end.

I love Mako. He loves me.

It's not complicated at all: not anymore, at least. It's beautiful in its simplicity.


End file.
